Antidepressants for unrequited love. The Unfortunate Man: Recipes for Combating Depression from Famous Historical Figures
Breaking up a relationship is always a painful process, especially if people have been together for a long time. To finally accept the situation and let go of your former “soul mate”, sometimes it takes more than one month. But how to find strength in yourself and recover after parting?
The ancient Roman poet Ovid spoke about this in his didactic poem "The Cure for Love". Written more than two thousand years ago, this work remains relevant today. In it, the author gives useful instructions that will help you painlessly survive the breakup with your loved one, pull yourself together and get out of this situation with self-esteem.
We chose Top 10 Tips Despite the fact that Ovid addresses male readers, his instructions will also be useful to women. In particular, the author himself says about this: “What is good for young men will also benefit women: / I rightly give the remedy to both.” from this poem.
It's hard to fall behind love because in your conceit
Each of us thinks: “How can you not love me?”
You do not believe in any words (what is more deceptive than an idle word?),
Nor the invocation of the gods from their eternal heights, -
Do not let yourself be touched by the tears and sobs of women -
This is their craft, the fruit of eye exercises:
Many tricks are at war with a heart in love,
So from everywhere the shafts hit the seaside cliff.
So here's my advice: bring yourself to remember more often
All that your maiden has done evil to you.
“I gave her and gave, but everything is not enough for her, -
My house is sold at auction, but the insatiable is ridiculous;
So she swore to me, but then she deceived me;
So many futile nights I slept at her door!
She is glad to love everyone, but she does not want me for anything:
He won’t give me his night, but he will give it to the peddler.”
Say this to yourself - and all your feelings will be embittered,
This firmament - and hostility will grow in your heart.
It was with me and so: I did not know how to stop loving the beauty,
Though he understood well the destruction of this love.
Like a sick Podaliry, I selected medicines for myself,
For, ashamed to say, the doctor could not be healed.
It was then that I was saved by the calculus of her shortcomings -
This tool was more than once the most useful.
I said: “My friend has ugly legs!”
(To tell the truth, they were good.)
I said: “My friend has inelegant hands!”
(To tell the truth, the hands were also slender.)
"She's short in stature!" (And she was of glorious stature.)
"Too greedy for money!" (This is where love ends!)
Everywhere good is adjacent to bad, and from this often
And an impeccable thing can bring reproaches.
Women's virtues you can turn into disadvantages
And to condemn, having twisted the slightest soul.
Therefore, here is my advice: to be treated by my science,
First of all, forget idle laziness!
Idleness gives birth to love and, having given birth, protects and cherishes;
Idleness is the soil and fodder for longed-for evil.
If you overcome laziness, you will shame Cupid's arrows,
And the fading torch will drop love.
Like a plane tree vine like a poplar to a stream,
Like a tall reed is glad to swamp silt,
So the goddess of love is glad of idleness and idleness:
Get busy with business - and immediately love will give way to business.
Just don't be lonely: loneliness is bad for lovers!
Do not run away from people - your salvation is with them.
Because passions run wilder in secluded places,
Go away from secluded places into crowded crowds.
Who is lonely, in that the spirit is darkened, in front of his eyes
The image of his mistress is seen as if alive;
It is in this way that the daytime is safer than the night -
During the day, your circle of friends can dispel longing.
Do not lock the doors, do not be silent in response to questions,
Don't hide your tormented appearance in darkness!
I want to add a trifle, but such a trifle
It was often useful to many people and myself.
Do not re-read letters where the handwriting of a kind friend is!
The old letter will touch the most unshakable spirit.
Put them all together - fold them against your will! - in a burning flame,
“Here is the funeral pyre of my unfortunate passion!”
Thestia's daughter burned her distant son with a bunt -
Will you hesitate to burn the lines of love that has lied?
Where is she, with whom is she, what is with her, do not try to find out about it,
Silently endure your fate - silence is in favor of you.
You, who at every step scream about the reasons for the gap,
All counting the sins of your former girlfriend,
Leave these moans: silence - the best remedy,
To erase the desired image from a soul in love.
Often depressing places where you were, where you slept;
Know how to avoid these testimonies too.
“Here we were together, here we lay down on the coveted bed,
Here she gave the sweetest night.
Remembering love reopens unhealed wounds,
And the weakest oppression is oppressed by the smallest pain.
Would you like to know whether or not to accept donations from Bacchus?
I will give this advice in very few words.
If you drink moderately, then the wine induces to Venus,
And from an excess of wine, the soul stupidly dies.
The wind feeds the fire and the wind extinguishes it:
A light impulse will revive, a strong one will stifle the fire.
Or do not drink, or drink to the end, to forget all worries:
Everything that is between the one and the other, that is in the middle, is harmful.
If you are foolishly devoted to the mistress alone -
Quickly find your heart a second love.
Passion for Pasiphae Minos extinguished, falling in love with Procris,
And she retreated before the ideological wife.
And so that the brother of Amphilochus does not suffer forever according to Thegis,
He took Calliroy to himself on the bed of love.
From the land of Ebalia, Paris brought the lover,
To not be with Enona all my long life.
The Edonian tyrant was captivated by the beauty of his wife,
But the locked sister seemed more beautiful to him.
Do I need to multiply a lot of abundant examples?
The new love will be death for the old love.
P.S.
If you happen to accidentally collide somewhere,
Then remember, hero, all my instructions!
Fight, brave, at close range, your weapon is at hand -
With your well-aimed edge, slay Penthesilea.
Here's a hard threshold for you, and here's a brazen rival for you,
Here are the vows of love, you idle joke of the gods!
Passing by her, do not inadvertently straighten your hair,
Don't flaunt your toga's curvy flair:
The woman became a stranger, one of countless many,
So don't worry about how to please her.
Unhappy love. Probably all of us have experienced it.
We suffered, did not find a place for ourselves, fell into depression and long and painfully searched for a way out of it.
Perfumers are trying to cure unhappy love by creating antidepressant fragrances.
Here are three real stories. Three fragrances that helped their creators get out of depression and start enjoying life again.
So, we wipe away the tears, remove the wet handkerchiefs and begin our love-suffering aromatherapy.
Jicky Guerlain
The honor of opening the list of perfume antidepressants goes to Jicky, created back in 1860 by the then young Frenchman Emme Guerlain.
The history of its creation is as sad as it is beautiful.
Having gone to distant England in order to comprehend all the mysteries of science, the purposeful French young man was soon forced to return to his homeland due to the tragic death of his father.
On Albion, he had to leave the most precious treasure of his life - a beloved named Zhiki, to whom he later dedicates his legendary perfume, calling them after her.
It was this fragrance that helped young Emma cope with her suffering and perk up again.
By the way, everything turned out very well for our romantic young man: Jicky made a real revolution in the field of perfumery, becoming the first pronounced masculine fragrance. And Emme Guerlain himself became the first perfumer in the world to successfully combine synthetic components with natural ones. 
And then, originally announced as a masculine fragrance, Jicky was also loved by sentimental young ladies. And this popularity of perfume among the female part of the population even led to characteristic changes in design.
Well, Emme met a new love, became rich and famous, and subsequently recommended his fragrance to everyone as an excellent remedy for depression.
Love and Tears By Kilian
Naturally, our love-perfume-antidepressant list would be incomplete without such a fine connoisseur love relationship like Kilian Hennessy.
"Love is not only bouquets of roses and languid sighs under the moonlight, but often also pain and tears, jealousy and raging passions," handsome Kilian reminds us.
Everything is interconnected. Everything passes. Morning always comes after a dark night. And the darker the night, the brighter the stars.
It is this fragrance that Mr. Hennessy recommends to those who love and suffer. He even says that in moments of his mental torment, he always inflicts Love and Tears on himself.
willingly believe) 
Taklamakan by Stephane Humbert Lucas 777
If our list was opened by the most ancient and already classic Jicky, then it closes the novelty, which less than a year back on sale.
So, before you is another story of unhappy love (and, of course, a wonderful perfume healing from it).
Now from renowned perfumer Stéphane Humbert Lucas.
He just went through a difficult and painful divorce. From which he came out completely broken and devastated. Suddenly, and so stupidly, a brother of many years with a beloved woman collapsed. Covered by depression. Hands dropped. All life seemed like a scorched desert. 
Stefan for the first time disrupted the release of another fragrance. This has never happened to him. He sank deeper and deeper into depression. Something had to be done...
Desert. It will create the scent of the desert. A fragrance in which he will put all his heartache.
This is how the Taklamakan fragrance was born, named after the Chinese desert Taklamakan - a barren, arid sandy plain.
As a result, the fragrance immediately became a bestseller at the recent Milan exhibition “Esxence 2016”.
Lucas himself is already feeling great and is even preparing to release the next fragrance (bright, positive and floral).
And with his ex-wife (according to rumors), it seems that his relationship is also getting better;) In general, Lucas is happy, satisfied and recommends his Taklamakan to all sufferers (and sufferers). 
Love is not always as good as they write about it in novels. It can cause not only euphoria and a sense of closeness, but also the pain of loss, psychological trauma, and even provoke violence. And yet, from the point of view of the physiology of the brain, love, with all its sharp turns, ups and downs, is just a hormonal process, which can already be partially controlled now. A group of researchers from the University of Oxford published a scientific paper on drugs that help cure passion, sympathy and affection. T&P talk the most important thing about the technology and ethics of chemical love interruption.
The desire to get rid of love seems to exist as long as love itself: in Ovid Nason, Titus Lucretius Cara, William Shakespeare and many other authors, one can find lines that this feeling is like a disease. Destructive, deeply traumatic passion, jealousy, misunderstanding, loneliness and grief - all this can be the fruits of love, and we have seen all this many times in literature, philosophy, drama and in our own lives. We know that problematic love is not only unrequited: the desire to stay close to a person prone to domestic violence, incestuous love, passion for the head of a cult, and sexual interest in minors also cause a lot of trouble, even if the person is able to refrain from acting.
Attempts to “do something” with unnecessary passions have always been made: in different eras, people who fell in love unsuccessfully tried to be cured by bloodletting, sports exercises, a strict diet and prayer. And these funds, unfortunately, did not always help. Then love was perceived as something firmly rooted in the body - but today we know that this is only partly true.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Love Through the Eyes of the Brain
From a neurobiological point of view, love is a product of the brain, a complex neurobiological phenomenon that has emerged in the course of evolution. It is based on the mechanics of trust, pleasure and rewards and is closely related to both the work of the cerebral cortex and the activity of the limbic system, which is located deep in the cranium and is one of the most ancient elements of the brain responsible for elementary survival reactions: "run" , "mate", "eat" and so on.
Love, which can bring people together and keep them close for the birth and rearing of offspring, has been the basis of the survival of the species since prehistoric times. According to neuroscientist and anthropologist Helen Fisher and her research group from Rutgers University (New Jersey, USA), it relies on three neurophysiological subsystems that trigger sexual attraction, sympathy and attachment. Sexual attraction, which is the first to come on the scene, pushes us to meet potential partners, sympathy allows us to choose the right one among them, and affection helps create a lasting bond and gives us the strength to cooperate with each other until the parental duty is fulfilled.
The work of each of the three subsystems is based on the effects of hormones and neurotransmitters that are produced in our body. For example, sex drive is linked to estrogen and testosterone, sex hormones found in both men and women. The ability to appreciate someone's attractiveness is associated with the pleasure and stress hormones dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline that allow us to focus our attention on the object of attraction, mentally return to it again and again, and feel a pleasant revival in his presence. As for attachment, the neuromodulators oxytocin and vasopressin play the main role here. They instill in us a sense of peace and confidence and naturally push us into behaviors that are potentially relationship-friendly.
The problem is that all these subsystems work simultaneously, so that we may desire one potential partner, find another attractive, and maintain an ongoing relationship with a third. At the same time, the actions of the “components of love” cannot be called autonomous. For example, testosterone stimulates the production of vasopressin, which has a positive effect on the formation of attachment, and oxytocin affects the activity of dopaminergic pathways, linking attachment with attractiveness - so that the one who is closest becomes the most beloved.
Against lust: neurodrugs and antiandrogens
Scientists are confident that in the future, doctors, psychotherapists and psychiatrists will have "neurodrugs" in their arsenal - highly effective synthetic modulators of brain activity - aimed at certain receptors in certain reflex arcs and capable of helping a person cope with unwanted passion. Today there are no such drugs - however, many drugs intended for completely different purposes suppress sexual desire as a side effect. For example, antidepressants - especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors - block the production of sex hormones. Libido is also reduced by painkillers with butalbital, opiates and other medications.
AT judicial practice In the United States, Russia, Great Britain and other countries, as a punishment for sexual crimes against minors, a radical chemical castration procedure is used, in which antiandrogens block the androgen receptors of cells, interfering with the action of testosterone, as a result of which sexual desire disappears. These drugs have side effects that can last a lifetime: increased bone fragility, obesity, etc.
From the point of view of respect for human rights, chemical castration is today recognized as an extremely controversial procedure. There are examples in history when it has become a weapon of homophobia or has been misused. For example, the famous British mathematician, logician, cryptographer Alan Turing, who cracked the Enigma code of the Third Reich, voluntarily agreed to chemical castration in 1952 in order to avoid imprisonment for his homosexuality. At that time in the UK, she was prosecuted by law and was considered a mental disorder. As punishment, the "guilty" could choose chemical suppression of libido or prison. Turing preferred the former. Two years later, he died from cyanide poisoning, which many researchers consider a suicide.
Against sympathy: medications for OCD
In 1999, a team led by neuroscientist Donatella Marazziti at the University of Pisa found that love reminds (OCD) in the first few months. In both cases, study participants worried about the smallest details and suffered from intrusive thoughts; in addition, doctors found changes in the work of transport proteins that move serotonin in them. The level of this protein and serotonin itself was the same in all people - but did not correspond to the norm. “This suggests that love literally puts us in a state that cannot be called normal,” the experts noted. When, after 12-18 months, they again tested the participants in the experiment in love, it turned out that their serotonin levels had returned to normal values, - and the obsessive idealization of the partner (the ability to generate abstract and concrete mental reflections of the missing stimuli) disappeared.
All of this means that OCD medications, roughly speaking, help with excessive liking for the object of love. Patients with obsessions and compulsions respond well to treatment with selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, which we know also suppress libido. Also, these antidepressants affect the release of dopamine, causing a decrease in euphoric moods that help form attachment. There is another side effect of SSRIs that can affect romantic relationships: they reduce the ability to care about other people's feelings. So taking this type of antidepressant reduces the risk of falling in love. For patients with depression, this is perhaps for the best, because falling in love, with all the pleasant sensations, is still a lot of stress.
Against attachment: dopamine antagonists
The bonding and stress-reducing hormones vasopressin, oxytocin, and dopamine are produced in humans and other monogamous mammals during touch, hugs, kisses, strokes, sex, orgasm, and breastfeeding. It is they who, in many ways, hold couples together, as well as mothers and their offspring. At the same time, oxytocin and vasopressin help form the system of signals necessary to successfully search for your partner or child among other creatures of the same species and gender (and as a result you can “know the sweetheart by the walk”), and dopamine is involved in the formation of rewarding experiences: joy , tenderness, inspiration and others.
The scientists found that directly injecting oxytocin into the brains of female gray voles and vasopressin into the brains of males of the same species made it easier for the animals to form bonds, even when they weren't ready to mate. If the rodents received dopamine or oxytocin antagonists - drugs that block the corresponding receptors - they lost their tendency to monogamy and switched to short polygamous relationships.
Of course, it cannot be argued that the mechanism for the formation of love attachment in humans is arranged in exactly the same way as in the gray vole, but there are certain similarities between us. In addition, in numerous studies on last years neuroscientists and anthropologists managed to find out some Interesting Facts about love: in particular, the fact that, in terms of the pattern of dopamine production, it resembles cocaine addiction. For its treatment today, dopamine antagonists are used, which will “help” from romantic attachment.
The Ethics of Refusal: An Individual Response
All this, of course, does not mean that love is a drug addiction, although, from the point of view of the hormonal reward system in our brain, it works exactly like an addiction. After all, love has existed on the planet much longer than drugs, which simply use mechanisms designed for completely different purposes: maintaining interpersonal relationships, successfully raising offspring (own or adopted), and, ultimately, the evolution of both species and personality. And yet, love, to put it mildly, does not always lead to the latter, and instead of personal growth or parental success, it ends in a painful breakup, psychological or physical trauma, violence and murder. Can we "treat" severe cases chemically, or will trying to shield ourselves from unwanted emotions lead us into a dystopian world? There seems to be no single answer to this question, and in each case the decision must be individual. And yet, if imminent violence or death can be prevented, and the hopeless pain of loss can be downplayed, it is very easy to understand those who are ready to go for it.
Icons: 1) Gemma Garner, 2), 4) Luis Prado, 3) Juan Pablo Bravo, 5) Thomas Marijnissen.
If someone feels good from love, let him be healthy. He loves, let him rush along the waves in full sail. But when a man is barely alive from an unreal girl, That's where our science should help him. Is this good enough when, suffocating his neck, A lover hangs in anguish from the ceiling rafters? Is it good to pierce one's heart with a blade? How many deaths are behind you, peace-loving Cupid! The one who is threatened with death, if he does not lag behind love, let him lag behind love: do not ruin him in vain.
Ovid. "Cure for Love"
As a matter of fact, in almost all the chapters I touched on this delicate subject - the life of even the coldest natures is empty without Love. Love ... How much has been written about Love: in fact, all world literature is about it, all the masterpieces of the classics, all poetry ... The trouble is that when a person encounters Love in his one and only life, he is no longer helped by the entire experience of mankind. If he is happy, then he does not need anything, but if he suffers, then he suffers alone, and it seems that no one in the whole wide world can help him, and the advice of loved ones only irritates ... By the way, Stendhal, author of "Treatise on Love" , a brilliant scientific and artistic study, Stendhal, who gave a stunningly powerful description of how a man makes a chilled lover fall in love with him (I mean Julien Sorel and Mathilde de la Mole from "Red and Black"), was himself, as far as is known , unhappy in love.
And yet, let's think together what can be done if you are unlucky in love. Only at first we will decide - what to call unhappy love? Is all unrequited love unhappy? I think not, because very often a person draws strength from his l love, he is already happy that he lives in the world Beloved or Beloved. There are legends about such love: let us at least remember Niko Pirosmani and his beloved Margarita, the very one to whom he presented a million scarlet roses and whose portrait we see at his exhibitions, wondering to ourselves - her appearance does not really correspond to the myth They say that the great Russian actress Ermolova secretly loved someone all her life and the echo of this unrequited love sounded in her stage images Yes, and almost all of us in youth adored someone, without making any plans for the future, and were happy that occasionally they saw the object of their passion.
Thus, even unrequited love can be happy, and perhaps this is the purest and most selfless love of all, because it does not require anything for itself, the main in her - the Beloved would be happy. Such selfless service presupposes a complete lack of possessiveness, and some researchers believe that only this feeling can be called love. I’m afraid that in this case, few of us really love - I almost don’t know women who would voluntarily give their husband or beloved to another, with whom he would be better off, this is almost a miracle of nature, and it’s not all written for them.
And yet, what criteria should true love meet? Here is one of options(according to N. Morgun). All feelings and all thoughts of the lover should be directed to the object of love (crystallization of feelings, according to Stendhal). loving person should strive to share his whole life in half with his beloved - both joys and sorrows. In love, people do not look at each other, but in one direction - this means they must share common values. A loving person seeks to reincarnate as his partner, to feel and act like him, up to the paradoxical desire to change sex (in E. Hemingway's novel "For Whom the Bell Tolls" there is a scene where Maria unbuttons Robert's shirt and tries to do everything with him what her beloved does to her, and does not want to come to terms with the fact that this is impossible). Like Romeo and Juliet, lovers are ready to confront the whole world together, in our conditions this means going against the will of parents, the whole environment, not paying attention to everyday difficulties. A loving person seeks not just to have a child, but to see in his child the features of a loved one, his continuation. And, finally, in true love there must be motives of self-denial: I would rather let myself be cut in half than cause some pain to my beloved.
This ideal love, with all its components, is the exception rather than the rule. As you can see, nothing is said here about jealousy, but meanwhile we are all earthly, sinful people, and sometimes it is much easier for us to sacrifice our lives, saving a loved one, than to give him unharmed to a rival. Willy-nilly, pride and possessiveness are mixed with our feelings. I remember one patient, a young widow, who was very upset by the death of her husband in a car accident; having met her colleagues in misfortune, abandoned women, she stated that she would rather kill her husband with my own hands than gave it to another.
How often, in our blindness, we rush between love and hate, either making terrible plans for revenge, or agreeing to forgive everything, everything. But after all, hatred is also a very strong feeling, there is really only one step from it to love, and getting rid of love comes only when indifference replaces feelings, when the appearance former sweetheart, his words no longer please, but they do not cause any pain either.
As a rule, women who are madly tormented by unhappy love have already parted with men in the past, but those breaks did not cause such a strong and painful reaction. And yet, if now you are in a state where you love, suffer, understand all the hopelessness of your hopes and still cannot help yourself, then remember the past. After all, your former hobbies are now remembered by you either with a slight nostalgia for youth, or with a soft smile, or as completely indifferent events. Believe me, when you experience your current state, your romance will move into the past and you will remember it in the same way, without any special emotions.
So, you have reached the point, you have lost a few kilograms, your face has become haggard and aged, it is no longer possible to work, everywhere and always you think about it, you cannot focus on anything else, and sometimes even thoughts appear that the best way out of this situation is not live. Do not hurry! There is a way out of any situation, and there is also salvation from unhappy love. Have you tried all methods?
Love, which does not give us the opportunity to live, creates a state that is beyond pathology, illness. It is very good to read about unhappy love in novels, shedding tears over the suffering of fictional characters, but when it overtakes us ourselves ... In Europe, after the appearance of "The Suffering of Young Werther", an epidemic of suicides of unfortunate lovers swept. Few people know that W. Goethe described his love in the novel, but he, having thrown out his feelings on the pages of the book, survived and was cured.
Such love can overtake anyone and anyone: girls cannot forget their first lover who played and quit, adult women and even very old women cannot survive the betrayal and departure of their husband, unmarried women are no longer able to share their beloved with his family, but to part with him too unable to… This state has one characteristic: a woman perfectly understands with her mind that there is no hope of restoring relations, that her husband is already living with a new wife, that an unfaithful lover gives her his attention only when, for example, he needs money, but in spite of everything, he hopes. She prefers to be blind and when ex-husband brings flowers to her hospital room out of a sense of decency or guilt, she is already ready to interpret this most ordinary act as a sign of return. A person lives in a fictional world of his love and dreams, and collisions with reality hurt him more and more painfully.
It would seem, but what's so terrible if a person invents a fairy-tale world for himself. where is he better?
This is bad, because it can lead to unpredictable consequences at a time when the dreamer is forced to face the truth. Not so long ago, a girl hanged herself in a working hostel. In the note she left, she asked not to blame anyone and wished happiness to her lover who left her, who was supposed to be married on the same day. During the investigation, it turned out that the young man, struck to the depths of his soul by an unexpected tragedy, could not connect her with himself in any way: he considered the unfortunate woman as a good comrade, directly told her about it, they never talked about love, he warned many times, that their relationship is temporary and he is not going to marry her in any case. There was no romance, but only a certain sort of banal and vulgar relationship! But the note shows that the girl dreamed up passionate and mutual love for herself and could not bear the crushing blow that reality dealt her. Absolutely worthless wasted life.
So, let's not deceive ourselves: if there is no hope for reciprocity, then let's not invent it for ourselves. In this case, we have one way out - to end it all at once. But you've already tried it ten times! So you didn't do it right. But first, let's try to figure out what is going on in our souls.
We understand everything with our minds, but something in the depths of our souls does not allow us to agree with this. How many times have we decided not to see Him - and then, an hour later, we rushed to the phone! And an interesting detail: the more decisively we set ourselves up for a break, the more we are drawn to it! As if something inside is tearing us apart: the mind says one thing, and something that is stronger than us immediately, against will and desire, sweeps away all our pitiful attempts to free ourselves from this heavy addiction!
So, we have come to the very word that accurately defines our position - dependence. We depend on this person and cannot live without him. It's like we've lost half of our soul, given it to him, and now that he's gone, we can't live with the other half bleeding. First of all, you need to restore the integrity of your personality, your self-sufficiency.
There are women who have an amazing ability to dissolve in a loved one. The most striking example is Chekhov's Darling, who completely lost her individuality, giving herself first to her beloved men, and then to an almost strange boy in general, and lived only their life. But unlike you and me, Darling knew how to adapt flexibly when fate took away another lover from her. In itself, such a dissolution may not be so scary, but sometimes it can interfere even under the most favorable circumstances: not every man likes to live with a woman who cannot even breathe without him, not to mention the breakup.
How to get rid of this addiction? There are a lot of recipes at the everyday level, and you have probably already tried some of them. If a cold mind and a sober calculation have always been yours strong point you are in an advantageous position.
To begin with, remember that blissful feeling of freedom that you once experienced before this fatal love of yours. The freedom to dispose of yourself as you wish, the freedom to do any action, considering only yourself, the freedom not to spend all your evenings in front of this damned phone, waiting for it to ring ... Feel how you want to experience this feeling of lightness and liberation again, try to inspire yourself This.
Further. Let's try with a cold heart to figure out what the person with whom fate has connected us is. They love everyone, good and bad, angels and scoundrels, but it is still better to connect your life with a decent person. Maybe you secretly hide from yourself his bad deeds and character traits that are incompatible in your eyes with the image of the Beloved? It is not worth hating him for this, but it can help you stop loving him. Remember how you did
Maya, the heroine of Jerzy Stavinsky's play "Rush Hour"? When she realized that her love had no future, she began to look for ways to save herself. First, she tried to sum up those unattractive little things that could disgust her with Krzysztof: hairs sticking out of her nostrils, foul-smelling socks - but this did not lead to anything Then she began to analyze his behavior, discovered his egoism, became convinced of his hypocrisy and deceit - and this helped, she was healed of a feeling that brought her suffering.
But now you've decided to break up. You met him in last time and firmly decided that nothing more would happen. Only this should really be the last time. Leaving go.
As Ovid wrote about it:
It is not enough to be able to leave - be able, having left, not to return, So that the exhausted heat falls out as cold ash.
Maintain character. If you have enough willpower, you are halfway to liberation.
Worldly wisdom advises in such cases to "knock out a wedge with a wedge." Alas, this does not always help, especially if you have strong moral attitudes, sucked with mother's milk. After all, having a lover is cheating on your loved one, and you can’t convince yourself that you are cheating on a traitor. Such connections often bring nothing but self-loathing and a strong belief that your unfaithful Beloved is the best. You should wait for the moment when real liberation comes, then you can behave with the man you like at ease and naturally and not compare him with anyone.
Another well-known way is to change the scenery. Unfortunately, we do not always have such an opportunity, and besides, very often, when we return home reassured and inspired, love driven into the far corner of the soul comes into its own again. Therefore, it is better if we save this effective means - going on vacation - until the moment when the advantage is already on the side of inner freedom and self-sufficiency.
When we suffer from unrequited love, our self-esteem plummets. This is understandable: we evaluate ourselves only by how we look in the eyes of our beloved, and if he does not need us, then we are nothing of ourselves. Therefore, it is very important to raise self-confidence by all available means. Do not neglect the attention of men who are indifferent or even unpleasant to you now - even a compliment that is not entirely sincere can help us with this.
And most importantly - try not to get hung up on your misfortune, use any occasion to get distracted, to feel like a person. Remember that in any case, your condition cannot last forever and sooner or later you will be healed, especially if you do not do stupid things that you will be ashamed to remember later. For example, if you arrange scenes for him or otherwise humiliate yourself, it will burn you from the inside for a long time to come.
You should not cultivate anger in yourself towards the one you loved for so long, you should not blame yourself or him for what happened. This is life, it happened, it is impossible to replay it all again. The longer you dig into all this, the further you are from peace of mind. When you can look at your love dispassionately, when you are no more angry at the person who offended you than at the chair you tripped over, then you have recovered.
There are women who themselves, without the intervention of outsiders, can make an effort on themselves, shrink into a ball and acutely get sick with their love in order to soon feel free and happy. For others, it takes much longer. It is enough to talk with some of them for several hours, listen to them and tell them about what I just wrote about, so that a shift occurs in their soul and they throw off their heavy cross. But if your condition has dragged on, if no reasonable arguments help, then do not despair: in the arsenal of psychotherapists there are still methods that can help you, in particular hypnosis.
When we suffer from unhappy love, chaos sets in in our soul: consciously we want to put an end to it, and the unconscious strives even more strongly for the lost object of love. There are special hypnotic techniques that rebuild this chaos and put the soul in order, helping intelligent tendencies. In a hypnotic state, dependence on a departed loved one is weakened and the integrity of the personality of the unfortunate victim is restored. As a matter of fact, in this case hypnosis does the work that time usually does, only time is compressed to the limit. It's like a surgical operation: an abscess can be treated for six months, changing compresses with balms, or you can open it with a scalpel - instant sharp pain and a quick cure
Of course, it's good when a person can handle himself. But, frankly, no other psychotherapeutic work gives me such a sense of satisfaction as healing from unhappy love: only recently a deeply suffering creature of indeterminate age sat in front of you, and three weeks later - a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, who again begins to live and rejoice life.
Have we "healed" romance? This question is being asked by scientists who study the relationship between romantic love and its chemistry in the human brain.
Their focus is on commonly prescribed antidepressants, which affect the composition of brain chemicals associated with depression. Although it has long been known that antidepressants can affect a person's sex life, recent research is asking whether altering the chemical balance in the brain side effects such as dulling the senses and affecting deep romantic love and lasting attachment.
Of course, antidepressants are life-saving drugs for people with depression. In the US, 123 million prescriptions were filled last year for popular antidepressants, including Prozac, Paxil and Effexor.
But the fact is that people who take antidepressants are often unaware of their emotional and physical side effects and that they can affect their relationship with love and marriage.
Antidepressants "can jeopardize your feelings," says Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, who has done brain research on the emergence and development of love experiences. "You are damaging the mechanisms that help maintain feelings of romantic love and deep affection."
Manufacturers of antidepressants say that it is depression, not drugs to treat it, that are the real reason emotional problems and difficulties in personal relationships experienced by patients. "Patients who suffer from depression are unable to make decisions about partners and life choices," says John Plus, medical consultant for Eli Lilly, which makes Prozac. "These drugs allow a person to experience normal emotions when he recovers from depression."
Exploring the links between depression, love, sex, and antidepressant therapy is difficult. Depression itself can affect relationships and sex. Conversely, relationship problems can trigger depression. And depression medications are known to cause sexual side effects that interfere with relationships, including lack of attraction and arousal problems, inability to achieve orgasm, delayed ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction.
Dr. Fischer became concerned about the effect of antidepressants on feelings when she began studying the brains of people in love using magnetic resonance imaging. Patients looked at a photo of their lover or lover, performed a math puzzle to "clear" the romantic feeling from their brains, and then looked at a "neutral" photo of an acquaintance that evoked neither positive nor negative feelings.
The researchers then compared the three brain scans, looking for commonalities. “The common thing was that the brain was in love,” says Dr. Fischer. On MRI scans, the "in love" brain is lighter in key areas where dopamine production and receptors occur. Dopamine is a hormone associated with movement, emotions, motivation, and feelings of pleasure.
Popular antidepressants mainly increase levels of another brain hormone, serotonin. But a study reported in the medical journal Neuron in April 2005 suggests that serotonin drugs not only affect serotonin levels (the study was done in mice), but also dopamine transport. This means that the brain transmitters that are supposed to distribute dopamine in the brain begin to carry serotonin as well.
The relationship between dopamine and serotonin in the body is complex, and no one knows for sure how it affects patients, but one of the effects is “emotional suppression.” A 2002 report on patients on serotonin therapy in the International Journal of Neuropsychopharmacology stated that 80% of patients reported a decrease in their ability to cry, worry, get angry, and care about the feelings of others. "These drugs suppress emotions and reduce obsessive-compulsive thinking, but these are the two main characteristics of romantic love," says Dr. Fisher.
In addition to the obvious sexual side effects and their impact on personal relationships, the absence of sex also means that there is no release of key brain hormones associated with love and lasting attachment. All of this can make it very difficult for a person to fall in love and stay in love while on antidepressants, says Andy Thomson, a psychiatrist at the University of Virginia Medical Student Services. According to Dr. Thomson, one young patient who began taking antidepressants as a teenager only realized that he had no romantic inclinations until he stopped taking the drugs.
One woman in her 30s was considering divorce because she didn't feel like she loved her husband anymore. Dr. Thomson changed the drugs and lowered the dose, and the woman's romantic feelings for her husband returned. "She realized that she still loves her husband, and now they have two children and a good marriage," notes Thomson.
One solution to this situation is taking antidepressants, which can be stopped temporarily without diminishing the effect, says Thomson. Lexapro, for example, can in some cases stop drinking on Friday and start drinking on Monday, which increases patients' sexual desire on weekends.
Some doctors prescribe bupropion, which has milder sexual side effects and is sometimes used to treat sexual dysfunction. Women going through menopause are sometimes prescribed drugs based on estrogen and testosterone.
Dr. Thomson emphasizes that many patients need antidepressants, and patients respond differently to the drugs. However, he points out that they should be aware of how antidepressants can affect emotions, sex drive, and relationships. If you're on antidepressants and you're having relationship problems, don't "think it's about you or the relationship; it could be the pills," says Dr. Thomson.
